Sorry i haven't been talking to you.

So I finally broke down and told the only person i though could handle what i was feeling, the truth. And all i got in return was a "sorry, i didn't want to hurt her."
All i could say to that was "But you wanted me to get hurt?"
And the only thing he said to that was "ok".
God Damnit.

To Provoke A Memory.

What he said...

First your dad hits you
is the reason you like dicks
you've taken so much shit
and you want a guy who could stop him

You want a strong dude

the reason you love sensitive dudes is because
they give you something you desire
acceptance
gentleness
all that shit

thats why you want to come to Europe probably too
and although
Your a kid
with an adult face
Your hearts still wants to be molded.


What i added...

You lie because you feel the need to be accepted.
You feel the need to have others love you.

You are cynical.
Very cynical.
Because you never had someone to trust in the home.

You love so shallowly, and fall so hard.
Because once you know someone feels care.
For you, that is everything.

Sex, Drugs, and, Anger.

Am I really so easy that a fucking thirteen year old...
-Needs to try to kiss me.
-Needs to molest me.
-Needs to have a crush on me.
-Needs to show me off to his little friends.

What the fuck is this?
Someone should really tell me why the hell this ai happening to me.
And I'm too mother fucking nice to punch him in his face.
And I'm too good of a friend to his brother, WHO LIKES ME...
To tell him that his stupid 8th grade little brother.. wants to fuck me.
I think it's making Jake sad that I spend so much time with the EIGHTH grader.
Because i tell Jake all the time, when exactly, the little EIGHTH grader tries to kiss me.
Eww, kissing this eighth grader would be like kissing my brother.
And that my loves, is an ATROCIOUS thought.
EWWWWWWWWW.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I hate boys.

There's Beauty In The Breakdown...

When you cry...
The tears make your eyes sparkle.

When you laugh...
The giggles fill the air with smiles.

When you scream...
It's music to a rocker's ears.

So being Emo, isn't so bad, eh?

Well, I made an oopsie.

A rather large oopsie.

And not a good oopsie that can be fixed.

I guess i just won't tell anyone about it.

It'll be my little secret, right?

Oh, and I have a crush, on a boy.

And his name is not Jake.

But i love Jake, so i guess that's okay right?

I hate that i can LOVE someone..

But have a crush on someone else.

Grr, that shit sucks.

Let Me Taste Your Tears.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE...
Wait too many "LOVE'S"..
I LOVE EVERYONE!
Today was amazing.
I hung out with my Cody-kins.
And Alexander and his brother Jacob.
And and, I SAW FUTS!!!
I missed them..
I watched a movie with them... and then everyone left but Cody...
And I cuddled.
BECAUSE, simply, I am cuddly.
<3

My Hands Are At Your Throat...

So, I had to get a new blog. I lost the password to my old one. So things have been shit. I'll survive, I always do. Area's of concern include... Family, Friends, Love, Addictions. My life is kind of messed up. Although, one good thing, did happen, but i can't talk about it on the internet, what kind of slut do you think I am? ^_^



As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die too
I'd die too
You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"
Just like we always do
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Yeah I'd spill my heart!!!
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!!
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Mistakes like friends do
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes
Do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
And do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do? (Until the day I die)
Yeah do you need this as bad as I do, as I do? (Until the day I die)

Oh yeah, and incase anyoine was wondering...
...i have the COOLEST SEX DRIVE EVERRRR-period-
It's kinda like I'm a man..