Sorry i haven't been talking to you.

So I finally broke down and told the only person i though could handle what i was feeling, the truth. And all i got in return was a "sorry, i didn't want to hurt her."
All i could say to that was "But you wanted me to get hurt?"
And the only thing he said to that was "ok".
God Damnit.

To Provoke A Memory.

What he said...

First your dad hits you
is the reason you like dicks
you've taken so much shit
and you want a guy who could stop him

You want a strong dude

the reason you love sensitive dudes is because
they give you something you desire
acceptance
gentleness
all that shit

thats why you want to come to Europe probably too
and although
Your a kid
with an adult face
Your hearts still wants to be molded.


What i added...

You lie because you feel the need to be accepted.
You feel the need to have others love you.

You are cynical.
Very cynical.
Because you never had someone to trust in the home.

You love so shallowly, and fall so hard.
Because once you know someone feels care.
For you, that is everything.

Sex, Drugs, and, Anger.

Am I really so easy that a fucking thirteen year old...
-Needs to try to kiss me.
-Needs to molest me.
-Needs to have a crush on me.
-Needs to show me off to his little friends.

What the fuck is this?
Someone should really tell me why the hell this ai happening to me.
And I'm too mother fucking nice to punch him in his face.
And I'm too good of a friend to his brother, WHO LIKES ME...
To tell him that his stupid 8th grade little brother.. wants to fuck me.
I think it's making Jake sad that I spend so much time with the EIGHTH grader.
Because i tell Jake all the time, when exactly, the little EIGHTH grader tries to kiss me.
Eww, kissing this eighth grader would be like kissing my brother.
And that my loves, is an ATROCIOUS thought.
EWWWWWWWWW.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I hate boys.